Crew Diaries:
COREEN MILSTEIN
Set Intern

diary of a driver: the early hours

5:00 am: Wake up to screaming alarm.

5:07 am: Stumble out of bed. Still recovering from strange dream about the staff at Staples.

5:30 am: Jump into car, back out and hit beam.

5:31 am: Survey damage to car. Left side missing a headlight and some other stuff that may or may not be important.

5:32 am: Curse at beam.

5:34 am: Climb back into car. Ten minutes to get to set.

5:42 am: Pedestrian (what's he doing up at this hour?) asks me at stoplight if I'm aware that there is a headlight dangling from the car.

5:50 am: Make it to set. No one there. They're all late.

5:57 am: Oops!

6:10 am: Make it to real set. Try to park car at funny angle so no one will notice early morning mishap.

6:22 am: Get first assignment: props needs this cigarette lighter fixed FAST! Old guy in Glendale is the only one who can do it. (Driver, on your mark, get set, go!)

6:23 am: Back on the streets in search of an old guy in Glendale.

6:24 am: Need something to listen to. Start scanning stations.

6:32 am: Still scanning...

6:33 am: Settle on Howard Stern. "Oh, if I wasn't a married man you know what I'd do to you, I'd..."

6:33 am: Turn Howard off. Forget radio. I'll just think about life to pass time.

6:37 am: Thoughts on life interrupted by passing Subaru, Toyota and big, klunky Oldsmobile.

7:20 am: Greetings. Made it to Glendale.

7:23 am: Pull off road to consult map.

7:27 am: Got it! Back on the road.

7:31 am: No I don't. Back off the road. Mental note: learn to read map next week.

7:37 am: Pull into Chevron and call old guy for directions. Wife answers. Says she'll go get him.

7:40 am: My three minutes are almost up. Where the hell did she go???!!

7:50 am: Pull into driveway. Run up to door and ring bell. C'mon, C'mon, C'mon!!!

8:03 am: Old guy still going off on the intricate workings of the lighter.

8:07 am: Okay, this has got to stop. Thank old guy and sprint to the car.

8:10 am: LATE, LATE, LATE!

8:11 am: Panic sets in: I'll probably get fired. Of course, I was never hired. Not important. I'll never intern as a driver again. Everyone will know. Find another career, pal. It's all over... Remember to call shrink and tell him anxiety pills aren't working.

9:02 am: Finally make it back to set. Still have to call State Farm about car and pick up big tub of Wet Wipes for make-up.

9:05 am: Bump into medic. Asks if I'm "alive and still breathing." Look at him for a second and then laugh hysterically. Medic stares at me. It wasn't that funny.

9:14 am: Another run: wardrobe needs a wig picked up. Race back to car.

9:17 am: Discover parking ticket on windshield. That's the third one in three days. No time to worry about that now. Still have to pick up the Wet Wipes.

...Coreen Milstein - Set Intern

Director's notes: Ahhh, the glamourous life of the intern! We love Coreen and miss her now that she is in New York. Come back to LA -- we need you! Naturally she will be running a big corporation some day soon and will be having other people running around buying her Wet Wipes.

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